Books and Covers: Mike, Augustine, and Ibogaine

The transfer through customs could not have been smoother. Max, the driver from the retreat, and I spotted each other simultaneously and we moved quickly to the cambio to buy pesos. We then walked to where another guest, Claudia, was waiting and then easily moved through the parking lot and we were on our way. The 90-minute transit from Mexico City to Tepoztlán was marked by beautiful scenery and easy conversation.

We pulled through the large doors of the high-walled hacienda into a courtyard and were enthusiastically and warmly welcomed by staff, and a third retreat guest, Santiago. Guided through the breezeway office into the covered patio and courtyard we were greeted by another 6 or 7 people.

They say you can’t judge a book by its cover, but I do it all the time. As I scanned the group the closest person is Shannon. Sporting a trucker’s ballcap and an oversized T-shirt, she had a very West Coast-cool surfer/skater vibe. Her smile was big and engaging, but her eyes hinted at a different story. It’s a story I’ve seen a thousand times after nearly 35 years of 12 Step recovery programs, sober retreats, and more recently at other psychedelic-assisted therapy retreats. Despite her smile, I peg her as being here for ibogaine and her addiction.

Behind Shannon is Mike. At 6’6 and I’m guessing 280 pounds; he is a hulking figure. Long scraggly hair, wearing baggy sweats and a t-shirt. He struggles to get up from his chair. I extend my hand and marvel at how it disappears in this large man’s gentle grasp, but take note of no eye contact. Every subtle movement was painful for Mike. I would come to learn a whole lot about this two-year starter as a Division I offensive tackle that blocked for two future NFL Hall of Fame running backs. But that was in the late 1980s. After 30 years of opiates, initially prescribed to help with the pain from injuries (ankle, knees, hips, shoulders, wrists) sustained while playing ball, he’d progressed into a full-blown addiction, slowly and surely deteriorating his quality of life. At first glance there is nothing easy about existence for Mike; discomfort oozed from every pore. I would soon come to learn this was likely Mike’s last chance at sobriety.

And then there was Augustine. With his easy smile, engaging personality, and fluent Spanish I assumed he was staff. I would soon come to learn that his fentanyl addiction ruined his family life and shuddered his construction and vendor businesses in Chicago. Augustine’s relative ease and familiarity stemmed from the fact he had already been here at Iboga Quest for a week detoxing prior to the ibogaine sessions. His relative ease and familiarity are also short-lived as we would all see over the course of the week.

Augustine and Iboga Quest Founder, Barry

Moments later, I’m reminded that my cover-judging skills are not very good. Shannon says goodbye to the staff and gave Mike, her husband, a hug, and kiss. In a split second, I realized that Shannon’s eyes revealed the pain and fatigue of not an addict, but a committed caregiver; a nearly broken, but devoted, and supportive partner. (Oh yeah, further disclosure on my “book cover judging” skills, Mike and Shannon are from Arkansas, not California!)

This is not my first psychedelic-assisted therapeutic retreat. By this point, I had participated in 20 psychedelic-assisted therapy sessions, mostly out of the United States where these drugs are still illegal. (Having said that, the extensive studies at Johns Hopkins, NYU, and the National Institute of Health (NIH) are pushing, albeit slowly, towards decriminalization and legalization in Colorado, Oregon, and California). My initial interest in psychedelic-assisted therapy was to get me off meds for anxiety and depression (specifically Wellbutrin, Zoloft, and Ativan). That mission is 100% accomplished (I no longer take any medication for mental health management). My continued journey continues to improve my overall mental health through the deep spiritual insights that continue to allow me to grow as a better husband, father, and grandfather. Each has provided me some deeply profound insight or previously elusive answer that has been life-changing.

Through these various retreats, I have seen and heard a lot of crazy things. Leigh and I were ata psilocybin retreat when one guest started speaking in tongues. During an ayahuasca ceremony, one guest had what sounded like a psychotic break, screaming at the Shamans as well as fellow guests; he would later recount his experience the following week on a Zoom reunion call, and apologize for the disruptive behavior. He went on to say it was the most profound breakthrough in his life. I’ve had inexplicable synchronistic visions connecting me to the person next to me, as well as with a friend from 8th grade who was 3,000 miles away. And across the board at the various retreats, my observation is that well over 90% of the participants have confirmed they experienced some form of profound healing, often, dubbed ‘miracles’.

But nothing prepared me for what I would experience at Iboga Quest.

Ibogaine is a psychoactive alkaloid extracted from the iboga plant, a root shrub indigenous to Gabon in Western Africa. It is widely considered the world’s most powerful psychedelic because of the duration of the “trip” as well as the danger of cardiac problems if not administered properly. While Claudia, Santiago, and I were there under the umbrella term of ‘psycho-spiritual’ enhancement, Mike and Augustine were there to address active addictions, opioids, and fentanyl, respectively. The medicine is dispensed in two sessions, a “Flood Dose” on Tuesday, then a “Booster Dose” on Friday. The Flood Dose trip lasted about 36 hours; it is literally, and figuratively, not for the faint of heart! The “magic” of iboga/ibogaine treatment for addiction is rooted in its ability to interrupt the addiction cycle. When you Google this you’ll see that studies reveal the effectiveness of ibogaine in addiction interruption is as high as 80%. 12 Step Recovery programs are closer to about 10% success rate on the first go-around. (While I owe my now 35 years of continuous sobriety from alcohol to AA, and it will always be a part of my life, the 12 steps couldn’t heal my anxiety or depression.)

I’ll start with Mike. The day after the flood dose, Claudia, Santiago, Mike, and I, along with two of the counselors went on a guided hike. As we were preparing to leave, Mike asked if the staff could call Shannon and invite her. To be honest, at first, I thought it was kind of charming, but borderline ‘needy’, or “perhaps” he wanted her to come to bail him out of opioid-free jail. (In fact, she was checking out an aftercare program a couple hours away.) I was mildly surprised/relieved Mike’s attitude maintained consistently throughout the hike; an energy level well above when I met him on Day 1. Even when the difficulty of the hike increased, Mike gamed up and pushed through his body’s limitations. It was humbling to watch a man struggle so hard yet maintain such joie de vivre. This was not an easy rails-to-trails low-grade hike, it was rocky terrain with some steep climbs. We could have used a machete in some places. Yet he persisted.

On Saturday, following the Booster Dose administered the previous day (a mere 8-hour trip), Mike was like a new man. He moved more gracefully (I know, 6’6” 280 lbs. opiate addict shouldn’t be graceful – but he was damn close!). He asked one of the staff for help in tying his hair in a “higher ponytail”. He ate a full breakfast, which I think was the first full meal I’d seen him eat. He was tired, but in a very upbeat and in a communicative mood. What I remember most was his sharing about his “shot” in the NFL. While it lasted only 4 pre-season games with the San Francisco 49ers, the sparkle in his eyes when he shared about looking up in the huddle and, unexpectedly, seeing Joe Montana calling the play was, and rightfully so, still a magical memory for him. His little inner child was up and out to play.

The real miracle for me occurred when Shannon showed up for the closing ceremony. We were gathered in the outdoor living space in a circle. Mike is sitting in a chair sitting next to Iboga Quest founder Barry Rossinoff. When it was Mike’s turn to speak he reached for his phone and played Alabama’s “Angels Among Us”. The opening stanza:

I was walking home from school on a cold winter day
Took a shortcut through the woods, and I lost my way
It was getting late, and I was scared and alone
But then a kind old man took my hand and led me home

At this point in the song Mike reached over and grabbed Barry by the hand. There was not a dry eye in the hacienda.

Shannon would later say, “This is the man I’ve known was in there all this time”. All she could do was smile and tear up with joy for the rest of the day.

Families and friends of addicts and alcoholics do not get the credit they deserve for what we addicts and alcoholics put them through during active addiction, and even several years into recovery. I’ve seen all kinds of miraculous turnarounds from users getting a boost of healthy joy at a sober retreat, only to see them crash within a few days or hours. An addict’s partner has a well-developed bullshit meter and rightfully refrains from celebrating short-term “wins”. To see this woman, respond so completely and authentically and emotionally was, in my opinion, a real miracle and truly a blessing for each of us.

Augustine had a similar trajectory in response to the two doses, although he did not make the hike after the Flood Dose. His father showed up on Saturday and after a bit of time had passed, I walked over to introduce myself. He just came straight in for a hug, his tears flowing,” Thank you so much for saving my son. I thought I had lost him forever.”

After a few minutes he let go and all I could do was hold my hand to my wet t-shirt and cry myself. Thinking about this the next day I probably should have told Augustine’s dad I wasn’t part of the staff, but in truth, I couldn’t speak at that moment. I honestly don’t think he would have cared. Nothing was there except deep respect and gratitude floating on every tear he shed.

Ibogaine, or any psychedelic, is not a magic potion or pill that immediately eradicates addiction; it is, however, a powerful tool that assists in creating a pathway to breaking the addiction cycle; a pathway not obtainable by most other means. Nine months later both Mike and Augustine are in extensive aftercare programs and will, like any recovering addict or alcoholic, need to stick to a daily program and maintain a healthy awareness to avoid slippery slopes that can take one back into an addictive behavior. Unlike most treatments, ibogaine’s addiction-disrupting characteristic is particularly unique.

I left Iboga Quest in late September 2022 with a sense of contentedness that I never knew existed. Nearly a year later and I still feel that elevated feeling of lightness of spirit that has eluded me most of my life. My bride, Leigh, has commented, my children have commented, and relationships are even better with my grandchildren. Yet the bigger miracle in my eyes was the responses Shannon and Augustine’s father provided. Psychedelic-assisted therapy isn’t for everybody. But for those who are called whether for heroin, fentanyl, or opioid addiction, or a deeper dive into the psyche for mental health healing and spiritual and consciousness expansion, it is amazing. Check it out for someone you love. The content of psychedelic-assisted therapy may not match up with the picture you have in your mind, but I know my early skepticism has been totally reversed by my first-hand experiences. www.ibogaquest.com It is much more than hype.